Today I attended my first AA Meeting. I'll be honest with you, I was all kinds of nervous. I parked in the church parking lot and saw all these men and women walking their way into a part of the church. I got out of my car and asked a guy which way was it to AA. He simply said, "Follow the herd".
It took a lot for me to walk through the door, and it took even more to find a chair and sit down. But I did. Folks continued to pour in and sit down and socialize with each other. I definitely felt out of place, but soon the meeting started.
They recited the Serenity Prayer thing, which I didn't know, then said some other stuff. The leader asked if there was anyone here for the first time and I slightly raised my hand. She didn't notice, but a guy near me did and he pointed me out. Everyone welcomed me and clapped. I smiled and nodded then returned my attention to the shoes on my feet.
Things progressed and a guy read from the AA book, I assumed, then another guy got up to give out coins. He first asked for anyone newly sober. I didn't stand. He went from there to "one week", "three weeks", "a month", "3 months", etc. Once he was done he again asked for anyone newly sober, pointing out that this one was the only one he repeats twice. With that announcement I rose from my chair and walked to the front to accept my coin. You can see it in the picture above.
The meeting continued and the floor was opened for people to give, what I guess you'd call, their "testimonials". Several did, saying very moving things from their past and present. After about the sixth to speak I somehow got the nerve, cleared my throat, and said "Hey, I'm Chuck and I'm an alcoholic". Everyone said, in unison, "Welcome Chuck, we're glad you're here". Or something like that.
And I spoke. I mentioned how I was on my fourth day of being sober and about how it has been a struggle. I said that I had had two wives leave me in the last seven years, and that my current wife left only 6 days ago. I went on to say that I was sure I had been an alcoholic for at least 6 years, but that it never seemed to bother me much since I always excelled in my career, winning promotions and many accolades. It just didn't seem that I fit the typical alcoholic mold. I went on to mention that, although I was raised in the church, I just wasn't sure about this whole Higher Power/God deal, but that I was open to anything because I had to get well. I had no other choice because I feared I'd lose my children if I didn't.
I'm sure I said a lot more, but can't remember it all. I do know that many others, in their speeches after me, pointed out a few things I had said and assured me I wasn't alone.
It was a moving experience. At the end everyone joined a circle, holding hands, and said the Lord's Prayer. Afterwards an old man came up to me and offered me the tattered and torn book in the picture above. He said to keep it, read it, and when I was ready I could buy a copy for another first timer. It's a 1973 edition and I'm thinking I'll be starting it tonight.
As I was leaving, a group of men surrounded me and offered me one of the small yellow books that have a list of all the area meetings. In the back of it 6 or 7 of them had written their first names and phone numbers and they told me to call them anytime if I needed them.
Wow...what an experience. I felt better than I had all week. That kind of out pouring of caring and concern definitely made me want even more to dedicate my life to sobriety.
I'll be back there tomorrow at noon again.
